This is going to continue to be a me-only [me-mostly] blog, but now you can see the stuff I like from other people’s tumblr’s reblogged at http://HuffLikesThis.tumblr.com.
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Blog
Snail Post
So I haven’t written anything for a long time, but here’s a post that’s just full of snails. Hit the jump for all of the snail-related hijinks. All of them.
A Very Serious Post About Politics
I am seriously fed up with the government. All I hear from everybody is that everything is going wrong, and that the rich are in control whilst the poor suffer. Our Glorious Leader promises that change is coming/has come, but I’m still only living comfortably in my middle/upper class home with plenty of food and heat and internet. Where’s my jacuzzi? I don’t see things improving for me, and really, that’s the only realistic measurable way for me to determine how things are for everybody else. I don’t watch TV, and I don’t read the newspaper, because this way I can safely claim that my views are not being represented by the elected officials I refused to vote for as a way of protesting that politicians fail to represent my views. And speaking of protests, because things are bad, and we can’t trust the government to fix them, we need to fix things ourselves. The best method for doing so is by gathering thousands of people in locations across the country. We can’t have anybody leading these people or giving them direction, because that would too closely resemble the corporate pigdogs in charge right now. We just need to get the bodies in one place, and everything will fix itself. This is pretty much a proven fact.
Don’t get me started on The War. We’ve been fighting The Enemy for so long that it’s not even a thing people care about anymore. Or maybe The War is over and we’re fighting The Other War now? I can’t even tell. Somebody at the pub mentioned some soldiers coming home, so maybe we won. Or maybe we lost, and the terrorists are in charge of Uzbekibekibekistan now? We really should just nuke everything over in that Sand Land. That’ll teach them to mess with Good Ol’ Know-How, Gumption and Exceptionalism.
We haven’t even moved off of the tip of the iceberg, either. For every good thing that gets done by this establishment, like the continued confinement of known, proven terrorists in offshore locations (because we know what they’ve done, and we’re giving them what they deserve), something ten thousand times worse tips the scale in the opposite direction. What we really need is to tax everybody exactly the same, so that the poor who don’t even contribute to society can stop leeching off of it. If they don’t want to starve, they ought to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get a job! Maybe if all the poor people living off of welfare actually buck up and stop growing fat on the rest of our toil, it’d drive out all those rotten immigrants who are eating up jobs that real hardworking citizens could use. Of course, if the government had bothered to actually make more jobs by making the working conditions in this country actually tolerable, maybe we wouldn’t have unemployment problems at all! I’d suggest that the government make it illegal to outsource positions, but I wouldn’t want to get in the way of Capitalism. That’d be even worse than anything else that’s been done to this point.
Are you as angry about these issues as I? If so, post a comment on this webzone, and let me hear your voice. Fight the power!
The squeaky wheel…
…gets the brand new top notch gaming-quality laptop (3 years of back and forth complaints on the phone with Dell)
…gets over $100 in free videogame product from EA Games (1 month of back and forth complaints)
…gets the grease (30 seconds of squeaking sounds before having motor oil dumped on you)
Character 10: Ariana Rappaport
Name: Ariana Rappaport
Occupation: Librarian
Age: 64
Hair: Pinned
Years Until Retirement: 11
Instrument: Voice
Sign: Pisces
Role: The Provider
An alumna from St. Hortense’s. Completed graduate work in library science. Manages special collections in the public library. Has never been all the way through the collection. Is unmarried. Lives alone. Spends her evenings in museums and theatres. Refuses to dye her hair. Crochets a mean sock.
Character 9: Oliver Henderson
Name: Oliver Eric Henderson
Age: 21
Headgear: Bandana
Footware: Sandals
Watchware: Wristwatch (2)
Hair Care: None
Instrument: Guitar
Sign: Gemini
Role: The Voice
Grew up in a normal suburban house. Currently enrolled in the local community college. Scruffy by nature. Has many friends among the local grifters and buskers. Has natural singing talent. Doesn’t need glasses. Plays tunes on request. Carries his guitar everywhere. Does not smoke, but says he does. Is a vegetarian, but says he isn’t. Majoring in music and poetry. Not actually majoring in poetry.
Character 8: William Aberforth
Name: William Aberforth
Age: 87 (at death)
Height: 6’ Under
State: Decomposed
Instrument: Violin
Sign: Libra
Role: The First
Born in 1748. Saw the rise of the new United States. Was uninterested in mundanities of everyday life. Became big-shot explorer. Discovered multiple abandoned cities and tombs in South American rainforests. Kept meticulous journals, now lost. Letters make reference to an unknown Discovery of some sort. Retired to his home town in old age. Upon death, donated majority of money to create an educational facility. Home property now occupied by a commune.
Character 7: Horace Templeton
Name: Horace Fernsworth Templeton
Age: 72
Moustache: Bristly
Overcoat: Tweed
Instrument: Bagpipes
Demeanor: Fussy
Sign: Taurus
Role: The Keykeeper
Born the eldest of a family of nine. Was a smart boy who was drafted for the war at eighteen. Came home a decorated hero after saving his wounded commanding officer while under heavy fire. Completed higher education at the prestigious Geraldswarf University, graduating at the top of his class. Did postgraduate work in linguistics and Byzantine history. Taught university students for two decades. Entered semi-retirement by taking a position as headmaster of Aberforth’s Preparatory Academy for Young Boys, the brother school to St. Hortense’s. Absolutely despises bananas.
Intermission
My workload has quadrupled and will continue to be so for about a week. I am placing the increasingly-misnamed Character-a-Day project on hold for about that time.
Oh hey, what’s this?
Character 6: Jacob Galavant
Name: Jacob Galavant
Age: 12
Socks: Mismatched
Knees: Muddy
Hat: Backwards
Instrument: Kazoo
Sign: Sagittarius
Role: The Scrapper
Sundries: Attends the local public school. Lives in the part of town that might arguably be described as “rougher” but this is a relative term. Parents deliver goods to the commune as part of their job. Has a sock-dwelling pet rock named ‘Bonk’ “on accounta what happens when he gets angry." Is missing a tooth but it is only a baby tooth. Claims he lost it "taming lions." Wears lace-less shoes because he doesn’t know how to tie his laces, a secret shame.
Justin Bortnick 