Derpgeons and Dagrons

I recently wrote and ran a Pathfinder campaign in which my friends accidentally unleashed an unstoppable race of titans upon the world, wiping out most life.  Oops.  Here are the maps that I made in preparation, as well as some brief thoughts about what I learned from my first wholly-homebrewed campaign.  I imagine none the insights are new, but it was  an experience for me.

Continue reading “Derpgeons and Dagrons”

A Very Serious Post About Politics

I am seriously fed up with the government. All I hear from everybody is that everything is going wrong, and that the rich are in control whilst the poor suffer. Our Glorious Leader promises that change is coming/has come, but I’m still only living comfortably in my middle/upper class home with plenty of food and heat and internet. Where’s my jacuzzi? I don’t see things improving for me, and really, that’s the only realistic measurable way for me to determine how things are for everybody else. I don’t watch TV, and I don’t read the newspaper, because this way I can safely claim that my views are not being represented by the elected officials I refused to vote for as a way of protesting that politicians fail to represent my views. And speaking of protests, because things are bad, and we can’t trust the government to fix them, we need to fix things ourselves. The best method for doing so is by gathering thousands of people in locations across the country. We can’t have anybody leading these people or giving them direction, because that would too closely resemble the corporate pigdogs in charge right now. We just need to get the bodies in one place, and everything will fix itself. This is pretty much a proven fact.

Don’t get me started on The War. We’ve been fighting The Enemy for so long that it’s not even a thing people care about anymore. Or maybe The War is over and we’re fighting The Other War now? I can’t even tell. Somebody at the pub mentioned some soldiers coming home, so maybe we won. Or maybe we lost, and the terrorists are in charge of Uzbekibekibekistan now? We really should just nuke everything over in that Sand Land. That’ll teach them to mess with Good Ol’ Know-How, Gumption and Exceptionalism.

We haven’t even moved off of the tip of the iceberg, either.  For every good thing that gets done by this establishment, like the continued confinement of known, proven terrorists in offshore locations (because we know what they’ve done, and we’re giving them what they deserve), something ten thousand times worse tips the scale in the opposite direction.  What we really need is to tax everybody exactly the same, so that the poor who don’t even contribute to society can stop leeching off of it.  If they don’t want to starve, they ought to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get a job!  Maybe if all the poor people living off of welfare actually buck up and stop growing fat on the rest of our toil, it’d drive out all those rotten immigrants who are eating up jobs that real hardworking citizens could use.  Of course, if the government had bothered to actually make more jobs by making the working conditions in this country actually tolerable, maybe we wouldn’t have unemployment problems at all!  I’d suggest that the government make it illegal to outsource positions, but I wouldn’t want to get in the way of Capitalism.  That’d be even worse than anything else that’s been done to this point.

Are you as angry about these issues as I? If so, post a comment on this webzone, and let me hear your voice. Fight the power!

The squeaky wheel…

…gets the brand new top notch gaming-quality laptop (3 years of back and forth complaints on the phone with Dell)

…gets over $100 in free videogame product from EA Games (1 month of back and forth complaints)

…gets the grease (30 seconds of squeaking sounds before having motor oil dumped on you)

Character 10: Ariana Rappaport

Name: Ariana Rappaport

Occupation: Librarian

Age: 64

Hair: Pinned

Years Until Retirement: 11

Instrument: Voice

Sign: Pisces

Role: The Provider

An alumna from St. Hortense’s. Completed graduate work in library science.  Manages special collections in the public library.  Has never been all the way through the collection.  Is unmarried.  Lives alone.  Spends her evenings in museums and theatres.  Refuses to dye her hair.  Crochets a mean sock.

Character 9: Oliver Henderson

Name: Oliver Eric Henderson

Age: 21

Headgear: Bandana

Footware: Sandals

Watchware: Wristwatch (2)

Hair Care: None

Instrument: Guitar

Sign: Gemini

Role: The Voice

Grew up in a normal suburban house.  Currently enrolled in the local community college.  Scruffy by nature.  Has many friends among the local grifters and buskers.  Has natural singing talent.  Doesn’t need glasses.  Plays tunes on request.  Carries his guitar everywhere.  Does not smoke, but says he does.  Is a vegetarian, but says he isn’t.  Majoring in music and poetry.  Not actually majoring in poetry.

Character 8: William Aberforth

Name: William Aberforth

Age: 87 (at death)

Height: 6’ Under

State: Decomposed

Instrument: Violin

Sign: Libra

Role: The First

Born in 1748.  Saw the rise of the new United States.  Was uninterested in mundanities of everyday life.  Became big-shot explorer.  Discovered multiple abandoned cities and tombs in South American rainforests.  Kept meticulous journals, now lost.  Letters make reference to an unknown Discovery of some sort.  Retired to his home town in old age.  Upon death, donated majority of money to create an educational facility.  Home property now occupied by a commune.